AHOY out there! Picasso here. I’ve just about given up on the idea of getting a response from anyone else. Its been almost two weeks since my first posting and only three doggies have responded. GeeGee and Franz are here right now and we’re still waiting for Chopper, but I’m worried something bad has happened to him.
It makes sense we haven’t heard from anyone. First, I’m convinced all the Human Beans are gone, otherwise we’d have seen some by now, looting, pillaging and all, but everything just stays the same. Well, they’re all gone now. Gone, Gone Gone! And no one who’s left seems any the worse for it. As GeeGee pointed out last night at dinner, that’s the end of global warming!
The real topic of last night’s dinner conversation was where everyone has gone, Beans and doggies both! Where are all our brother and sister doggies? Right now we should be organizing the Doggie Global Congress for a Peaceful Planet, but as far as I can tell, we’re the only three left and maybe Chopper, if he’s still out there somewhere.
We discussed various possibilities for the disappearances. Here are the top half-dozen we came up with:
1) This is all a dream one of us is having because his owner fed him two week old potato salad.
2) Global corporations decided they could make more money by selling the entire human population to aliens and the Beans are now mining rare metals on Europa.
3) The Beans finally reached the tipping point for stressed out human activity and melted into puddles of high- fructose corn syrup, which was quickly, but reluctantly, absorbed by Mother Earth.
4) A secret terrorist weapon was set off turning the Beans into two dimensional beings that could only be seen from the side, which was not to be seen at all.
5) Someone announced Black Friday would be taking place this year on Mars.
6) Everyone in China’s shoelaces came undone all at once and when a billion and a half Chinese bent over to retie them, the force of their subsequent farts blew everyone into space except for the four-legged animals that had more grip on the earth’s surface.
Now you might not think these reasons add up to much, but if you’re out there and have a better idea, please email me at PicassoTMutt@gmail.com.